“Whoso be a man be a non-conformist.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Now I feel like going in the woods and building myself a cabin to live alone. … Living by your ideals sure can be a lonely experience. I have been having a crisis of community for a couple of months now.
In my professional life I am a software designer. Many times I am the only one on my team or in my company that does what I do. Lately it feels that I do not belong in the company nor in the design community. My ideas seem to always need time. They need repetition and explaining. Sometimes I just want group think.
In my life, I am Jewish. I like to live this life with intention and try Jewish traditions even though they are foreign to me and sometimes my family and community. I am Jewish in a community that has many Jews but you would never know unless you read their names. They are assimilated Jews. Some are very active in the Jewish community. Many are not. I feel like I am different in the general community and within the Jewish community. I get the feeling that I am not with the community I am within. Sometimes I just want group think.
Something I find very difficult are the frum/ Orthodox who tell me that I am not Jewish. I am not sure what to do with this emotionally or intellectually. The judgments are infuriating and only make me feel further outside. Sometimes I wish for a little humility.
Am I man yet? I think I need a new definition.
