My Jewish Journey: Conversion

March 25, 2009 at 7:46 pm (Jewish, conversion)
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Why should I convert to Judaism? I do not like religion? Religion causes all these problems and creates unreasonable people. Why do I need it? Ihave faith in one thing: when I put my feet on the ground it will be solid and I can stand on it. The rest of it forget it. – My 23 year old self

So why did I convert? What compelled me to do it? Was it because I wanted to marry a Jewish person? Was it because I reconciled the idea of a G-d who could let my mother die? Was it because I found a Jewish soul? Was it because I found my spiritual home?

No. I don’t commit like that. I do not jump both feet into the water nevermind a change like this. I eased in. Judaism resonated with what I believed. Here is a list of what I remembered agreeing with:

  1. I could argue with the rabbi
  2. I could argue with G-d
  3. I could image G-d however I wanted or didn’t want
  4. I did not need faith as a starting point
  5. Ethics and deeds were more important than dogma
  6. Heaven and hell were minimized, what was important was the here and now
  7. Death was taken seriously and had many rituals to help the survivors (not just statements like “she is in a better place now” – oo that makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside)
  8. There was a strong history and peoplehood that I could learn about and become part of (I did not have much of a connection with American white guy)
  9. Sin did not occur from birth, people were not sinners, and sin was defined differently in Judaism – missing the mark

There wasn’t anything that I had a real aversion too. There did not seem to be a strong dogma and requirement to be a certain way.

Why should I convert? Momentum? Wanting to be a part of the life of the person I was going to marry? It, for sure, was not the romantic notion of G-d coming down and touching my soul. I am not that sort of romantic. Not even in my wedding proposal.

I agreed to convert. The rest seems like a blur. I do not remember struggling with it. I barely remember the beit din, even after an hour or more of answering questions. I do remember the mikvah, naked in a room with the rabbi asking questions from beyond the door. I do remember one question (paraphrased): ” Do you know that in every generation the Jewish people are persecuted and it may happen in this generation, are you willing to stand up for the Jewish people?” …

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Yes.

cross posted on BlogMidrash

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Jewish Journey: the rabbi

March 21, 2009 at 9:09 pm (conversion)
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What is the process to convert to Judaism? What is Judaism about? When would I feel Jewish?

I was in college studying to get my masters in engineering. It was a perfect storm. I was pissed off at G-d, did not want to talk kindly to anyone about religion and I was getting a masters in engineering (applying science to solving the worlds problems).  What did religion have to do with any of this?

At this point I had been dating the same women for 5 years. The only reason we did not get married earlier was that we were waiting for me to graduate from college. She was the first person I met in college that was not working on the campus. She happened to live on my floor.

For the first 3 1/2 years her family ignored the fact that I existed. Her grandmother would hand her phone numbers of  ”good” Jewish boys who were grandchildren of people she knew – right in front of me. The first time the family accepted me was when I assembled the golf cart that someone else bumbled – then I was in. Huh?

So … the aunt’s rabbi agreed to meet with us.  She agreed to start studying with us.  She would meet with us every Sunday. It was a 2 1/2 hour drive. I was in the middle of my thesis for my masters and she dumped loads of reading on me. 2, 3, 4 books a week to read. I loved it. It was so different from engineering. It was way harder – engineering was easy.

I would read and then argue with the rabbi. How fabulous is that? I could argue religion and still be ok. That would not work with the Catholic priests I knew … ever.

The difficult thing for me to read was Dennis Prager the talk show host from LA. I think he identifies himself as conservative but he was just infuriating. I used to read his stuff and just fume. There was something so arrogant in his writings. (I do wonder what I would think now.) I used to hold onto quotes of his to just show what was wrong with religion – he exemplified it for me.

I was so difficult to talk to about G-d that the rabbi avoided talking to me about it for 3 months. She had me study the lifecycle and basic Jewish thought. You know Jewish 010. It was the remedial course so that you could take Jewish 101.

The first time we talked about G-d we took the Ramban’s approach. She had me describe all the things that G-d was not. It was a great list. I am not sure that my list would be much different today. But in the end what I was left with was everything G-d was. I guess I could not call myself an atheist.

An intersting thing about my rabbi was that she had a long career as the head of a prestigious private school in Massachusetts. She left it all to become a rabbi. She had a calling late in life and left everything she had. She wrestled with many of the things I was wrestling from the perspective of a woman and she was able to incorporate it into her teachings. This meant that she had many nuanced approaches to the standard theology and it meant that she understood many of the issues I was having with religion.

Eight months of studying and arguing brought me to the point where I had developed a relationship with the rabbi.  My wife and I asked her to marry us. She looked at me and told me that she could not marry us because I was not Jewish. I would have to convert first.

How could I do that? What would it mean? What difference would it make? Is there anything in this religion that would make me want to convert? Do I really want to become a Jew?

 

Cross posted on Blog Midrash

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My Spiritual Journey

March 19, 2009 at 8:10 pm (Jewish, conversion)
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I grew up in an a-religious household. We were nominally Christian. My mother was Catholic and my father is not into the whole religious thing.

At 16 my mother died. She was a good woman. She took care of us all, my sister, father and I. She made my clothes until I was 12. She made dinner and kept the house. She was always home when I came home, always.

The priest next door came by to visit shortly after she died. My sister and I were stacking wood. The priest said that she died for a reason and that we should just trust G-d.

Ha!

Trust G-d? How was I possibly going to trust a G-d that would let my mother die? How was I possibly going to be able to handle such an off handed comment from a man that did not know me from any other kid on the block?

My journey begins here. Mad. Angry. Antogonistic. I wanted nothing to do with religion. Nothing to do with such stupid comments. There is no god that would torture a person for 2 years and then let them die. There is no reason.

For years I encountered people, Christians who would try to tell me that I had a whole in my heart and if I only accepted Jesus then everything would be better. Ha! That was worth a good arguement. How could I possibly have faith when the only faith I had was that I would wake up each morning and the ground would be beneath my feet.

I went to the Dominican Republic my senior year of high school and dated a young woman who’s mother was a fanatical evangelical. She infuriated me all the time. And the rocking, speaking in tongues and blaming everybody as sinners did nothing to help my interest in religion.

I went off to college and met my first Jewish person (at least that I was aware of). Oh by the way I married her. We dated for 5 years before we decided to get married. I knew that if I was going to marry her that my children would be Jewish. I could not see myself standing on the outside arguing against Judaism if did not know anything about it. That just be stupid. So I started studying with a rabbi.

To make this long story short. I converted, got married, had kids. I am 14 1/2 years a Jew. I study, practice, participate and wrestle. I have been writing about it for a couple of years and now have joined Blog Midrash. My journey continues and I hope to ask questions and make you think. Thinking and wrestling and do things with intention are my tools for my Jewish journey.

For my next step in my journey I will be called to the Torah on May 30th to participate in a group adult b’nei mitzah with 6 other adults. My portion is Naso chapter 6. If anyone has some good advice (I can’t chant or remember a tune) I could use it. 

mTp

Cross posted on Blog Midrash

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Being Jewish: A Story

November 13, 2008 at 10:34 pm (Uncategorized)
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What makes you Jewish? I think I have asked this one before.

I converted throught the Reform movement. We did all of the halachic requirements. I have continued to study, learn, particpate and do Jewish things. However, many a time I have had “Jewish” people tell me that because I did not do this with an Orthodox rabbi I am not a Jew.

Yesterday I went to a class in Boston that was talking about Jewish conversion from the Biblical, Talmudic and halachic perspectives. It did seem that I have done what is needed.

Here is a story of the Boston Rebbe. I have never met him. I have his phone number and have seen his family lineage. However, my brother in-law was visting. He is a Yeminite Israeli Jew. He is what the American Ashkenazis might call a modern Orthodox person however those labels just do not fit the Yeminite community. On his way back to Israel he sat in his seat and the Rebbe of Boston sat next to him. They were chatting and my brother in-law was describing his visit and describing me. Who knows why? Maybe they were trying to do Jewish geography and then they came to me. Well, the Rebbe was sufficiently impressed that he told my brother in-law to have me call so that he could convert me to Judaism.

Huh? Aren’t I already Jewish? Didn’t I already have the tough path to sow? I did not stand at Sinai and see the smoke and fire and hear the thunderous roar as described in the Bible. Should I get circumcised again because the Rebbe has a hate on the Reform rabbis? Should I have another beit din? Should I have another immersion in the mikvah? Or is all I need the blessing of someone with the right pedigree?

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How Judaism Has Shaped My Life

October 14, 2008 at 8:54 pm (Jewish, conversion)
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What do you do in the middle of the day on Yom Kippur? Our temple puts on a round table with a different topic each year. This year I was invited to talk about how Judaism has shaped my life.

Let’s see if I can paraphrase.

I was born and baptized Catholic. My wife was probably the first Jewish person I met (at least that I knew). It just happens to be our 14th year anniversary. (Several congratulations were given from all around us.)

The room was full of people I knew and many people I did not know. Perhaps there were 50 people. I was on a panel of 3. I decided to talk second. The first gentleman went through a description of his long standing Jewish heritage and the many organizations and Jewish deeds he has done. He also gave a nod to his wife who had converted many years before and has shared in many of the Jewish accomplishments.

Anyway, I continued to describe how I spent a year studying with Rabbi Deanna Douglas. About a year had gone by and I asked if Rabbi Douglas would marry us. She looked at me and said that she could not because I was not Jewish. Not once during my studies did she ask me or talk about conversion. We were studying because if I was to marry a Jewish woman I needed to know something about Judaism. At least so I could hold a good arguement.

As you can see I converted to Judaism and got married. I have a beautiful family and we live everyday as a Jewish life. No it did not happen over night. Slowly we started including traditions into our lives. Gradually we keep incorporating more into each day.

Last July we went to California for a family reunion on my father’s side. This side of the family are Catholics, conservative Christians, and areligious at best. It is not something we have many converstations about. However that Friday I was not sure what to do as Shabbat approached. I asked my cousin if she would mind if I lit the Shabbat candles and did the blessings. I asked my cousins quietly, one on one, if they would like to join.

With the whole family gathered around the table I explained what I was doing and led the 35 people in their first Shabbat. My father approached my wife and told her that he thought the whole thing was beautiful and that he was so proud of how well I presented Shabbat.

Back to Yom Kippur, at this point … I lost it … a room full of people and I start crying.

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Conversion

June 25, 2008 at 8:30 pm (Uncategorized)
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I am a convert. 14 years ago I converted to Judaism.

Why is it that Jews today still fear the idea of talking about what is great about Judaism? What’s wrong of looking for and creating converts?

The local Jewish newspaper always has a couple of issues a year where the local temples can describe why you might want to come and visit. It is a great time to read the personality of each temple. It is also the time in which I get really irritated with the attitude of intermarried families.

Now this is not my diatribe on intermarried families. That is not of much interest to me. I will leave that to others.

Why is it that so many temples say that they are friendly to interfaith families, we accept interfaith families, we have programs for interfaith families? Huh? This is a Jewish temple. This is a spiritual community. The churches I belonged to did not cater to interfaith families. They worked hard on showing why their church was the one you should participate in. Why don’t synagogues do the same? Why isn’t each family member that is not Jewish not an opportunity? They do not have to convert but why not give them every reason to convert? Why not give classes aimed at the non-initiated )(Jew or not)? Why not invite them to Torah classes? Why not invite them into the sister/brotherhood? Why not ask them to do something that makes them feel part of the community? Why not introduce them to Jewish spirituality? It’s an opportunity not to be missed. We need a few more people for tikkun olam.

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