Book: The New Jew – An Unexpected Conversion

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book, conversion, Judaism, Sally Srok Friedes

The New Jew – An Unexpected Conversion is written by Sally Srok Friedes.

I really connected with this book. I could believe how much of her experience I could relate with. I sat and read the book over a couple of days – which may be a record.

Sally starts off with the funeral of her mother-in-law and she remarks about how important the mourning rituals in Judaism are. During this chapter my eyes welled up and I immediately felt like I understood. My mother died when I was 16 and I always felt something missing in my mourning. There was not much there. However, the Jewish rituals have always attracted me and seem much more comforting for those with a loss.

She retells many of her experiences with Judaism as an outsider and have many parallel stories I could tell. Many of them made me laugh and cringe at the descriptions. For example, the description of the expectation of people that I raise my children Jewish even though I could not distinguish what was particularly Jewish about them or with what they practiced. I liked to refer to these people as the “pick the yid out of the TV” people. The only Jewish thing I could see was the ability to identify other people who were Jewish. I am being a bit crass but I am sure you have met people like this.

Other stories of her wrestling with Judaism and never quite feeling like she could be on the “inside” no matter what she did were much like what I encountered. I am surprised at how much energy she would put into trying and then be repelled by the slightest thing to return several years later to try again.

Overall, I loved her passion and positive insights into Judaism. I really felt happy for Sally when she finally described going through her conversion. I think it would be fun to sit down and talk with her.

Naso: reflections of a Nazarite

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Bar Mitzvah, drash, Naso, Nazarite

Here is the law for the Nazarite:

[This is the law] when a man or woman expresses a nazirite vow to God.  He must separate himself completely from wine and wine-brandy. He may not even drink vinegar made from wine and wine-brandy. He shall not drink any grape beverage, and he shall not eat any grapes or raisins. As long as he is a nazirite, he may not eat anything coming from the grape, from its seeds to its skin. As long as he is under nazirite oath, no cutting instrument shall touch [the hair on] his head. Until he completes his term as a nazirite to God, the uncut hair that grows on his head is sacred. As long as he is a nazirite to God, he may not have any contact with the dead. He may not ritually defile himself even when his father, mother, brother or sister dies, since his God’s nazirite crown is on his head. As long as he is a nazirite, he is holy to God.  – Naso 6: 2-8 (bible.ort.org) 

How am I like the Nazarite? How can I relate to those foreign and restrictive sounding rules? How can I relate to the story?

The Nazarite self-selects him or herself. He chooses to follow the restrictive laws of not eating or drinking any thing made from grapes. He chooses not to cut his hair, and chooses to separate himself from his family and friends during important death and mourning rituals.

I grew up in the midwest. I was a child of WASPs (white Anglo-Saxon Protestants). My childhood was very “American” and nominally Christian. We participated in all the “American” holidays and rarely a day existed where we stuck out. I don’t ever remember feeling like we were not part of the whole community.

In my 20′s, I decided to convert to Judaism. I never had an attraction or feeling that I was Jewish growing up. I do not even recall having known a Jewish person. However, becoming Jewish in the assimilated Jewish world reminds me of the Nazarite in the Biblical Jewish world. Firstly, my family and I do not do Christmas. This was the hardest thing for most of my family and friends to understand when talking about conversion. “How can you not do Christmas?” “Does that mean you won’t have a Christmas tree anymore?” Nope. Next I took on a whole new set of holidays that do not intersect with my previous holidays (except Thanksgiving). This, of course, makes scheduling family visits much easier because we do not have to pick which family we go over to break fast or have Passover dinner.  Finally, I took on a whole set of rituals around Shabbat and Judaism.

Each of these separate me from the community I was in. I live within the same community but now have things that make me stand out.

These things that make me stand out are all good. I have replaced Christmas with a year full of wonderful holidays that I have incorporated into my family’s rituals. These Jewish holidays mark each season and provide a celebration in its place. We have eight days of lights for Channukah in Winter, the festival of Purim in the late winter and Passover in Spring. Summer is concluded and fall started with Rosh Hashanna, Yom Kippur, Succot and Simchat Torah.

When there are no holidays we have Shabbat each week. The weekend flies by if  I do not have the chance to sit down with the lit candles and say the prayers over wine and challah. I look forward to this end of week marker as well as the full day with my family and without my work.  These holidays and rituals bring me into a warm community, provide context and guidance to daily life and give me comfort and guideposts through lifecycle and holiday events.

Like the Nazarite I have chosen to be different than the general population. The Nazarite is a Jew who chooses to do things different for a greater sense of commitment to God. I chose to be different to participate with my family in a community and to provide a path to live my life .

Me the Nazarite

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choice, different, Naso, Nazarite

Naso chapter 6. I am contiplating how I can relate to this portion? Is there anything about the Nazarite that I see reflected in myself?

• No wine
• No grapes
• No vinegar
• No alchohol
• No cutting of hair
• No going anywhere near dead people, even your family

I couldn’t be a Nazarite. There is no way I could give up that beautiful glass of wine with a plate of fresh tomatoes drizzled with balsamic vinegar. No really.

How am I like the Nazarite? I grew up in the United States as an American. A white anglo-saxon protestant (Catholic) male in the US. I was part of the majority and there was little about our family of 4 with 2 kids, dog, cat and 2 cars that was different. Then I made a choice. A choice like the Nazarite to make myself different. To eat and drink different, to dress different, and to have different life-cycle rituals. Choosing to be Jewish is much like the Nazarite is to that Jewish world s/he grew up in.

Maybe I am more like the Nazarite than I thought. Me the Nazarite.

My Jewish Journey: Conversion

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conversion, Jewish, Jewish journey

Why should I convert to Judaism? I do not like religion? Religion causes all these problems and creates unreasonable people. Why do I need it? Ihave faith in one thing: when I put my feet on the ground it will be solid and I can stand on it. The rest of it forget it. – My 23 year old self

So why did I convert? What compelled me to do it? Was it because I wanted to marry a Jewish person? Was it because I reconciled the idea of a G-d who could let my mother die? Was it because I found a Jewish soul? Was it because I found my spiritual home?

No. I don’t commit like that. I do not jump both feet into the water nevermind a change like this. I eased in. Judaism resonated with what I believed. Here is a list of what I remembered agreeing with:

1. I could argue with the rabbi
2. I could argue with G-d
3. I could image G-d however I wanted or didn’t want
4. I did not need faith as a starting point
5. Ethics and deeds were more important than dogma
6. Heaven and hell were minimized, what was important was the here and now
7. Death was taken seriously and had many rituals to help the survivors (not just statements like “she is in a better place now” – oo that makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside)
8. There was a strong history and peoplehood that I could learn about and become part of (I did not have much of a connection with American white guy)
9. Sin did not occur from birth, people were not sinners, and sin was defined differently in Judaism – missing the mark

There wasn’t anything that I had a real aversion too. There did not seem to be a strong dogma and requirement to be a certain way.

Why should I convert? Momentum? Wanting to be a part of the life of the person I was going to marry? It, for sure, was not the romantic notion of G-d coming down and touching my soul. I am not that sort of romantic. Not even in my wedding proposal.

I agreed to convert. The rest seems like a blur. I do not remember struggling with it. I barely remember the beit din, even after an hour or more of answering questions. I do remember the mikvah, naked in a room with the rabbi asking questions from beyond the door. I do remember one question (paraphrased): ” Do you know that in every generation the Jewish people are persecuted and it may happen in this generation, are you willing to stand up for the Jewish people?” …

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Yes.

cross posted on BlogMidrash