On Becoming a Bar Mitzvah

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Bar Mitzvah, family, Jacob

What is a Bar Mitzvah?

At the age of 13 a Jewish boy is required to take responsibility for commandments (mitzvahs). The Torah (first 5 books of the bible) enumerate 613 mitzvahs. Halacha or Jewish law clarifies those mitzvahs for daily use.

Up until 13 years old the parents are responsible for the mitzvahs.

On the Saturday morning Jacob will be leading the service and reading from the Torah. This will his first opportunities to perform these mitzvahs as an adult.

After such an honor we will celebrate with a lunch and a party.

Wikipedia’s description of Bar Mitzvah

The Bar Mitzvah Weekend

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Bar Mitzvah, family, Jacob

This will be the beginning of a description of the Bar Mitzvah weekend. My intention is to give my non-Jewish friends and family information about the weekend and the events taking place.

On Friday we will begin with dinner early around 5 PM at our house. This is Shabbat dinner.

After dinner we will caravan to the Temple for services. Those who would like attend may join us. Services are from 6:30 to 7:30 PM.

Saturday morning is service that Jacob will be called up to lead and read from the Torah for the first time as an adult. These services are from 10:30-12:30 PM.

After services we will stay at the Temple and have lunch.

After lunch we are free to do what we want. I do not have plans for Saturday night yet.

Sunday we would like to go to Boston to do something like a scavenger hunt.

Book: The Blessing of a B Minus

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book

My son is entering the teenage years. He is in middle school and the pressure is on. Balancing the school with ethical and moral behavior seems to be a daunting task. I am always amazed at what people let their 12 and 13 year old children do.

This book addresses the issues of raising a Jewish child in an assimilated world. Wendy does a fabulous job communicating what teenagers are going through, a little of her experience and advice that she gives parents on a regular basis. Much of it is a help just reading about teen behavior and making me and my wife sit down and agree upon the rules and where we let things go.

I really enjoy reading this. Check with in a couple years to see if any of it works.

The Blessing of a B Minus

Lending to the poor

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daf limmud, lending, tzedakah

From the Talmud: Shabbat 63
Rabbi Abba said: One who lends money to the poor is greater than one who just gives it. And one who forms a partnership is the greatest of all.

Rashi explains that lending money to the poor is greater than one who just gives it because it sets up the situation where the poor man is not ashamed to borrow. He also says that lending is better perhaps because one generally lends a larger sum than he would give as charity, and that may suffice to make the poor man independent.

Maimonides categorized the statements about tzedakah and help in the Talmud. He stated that there are eight levels of charity, each greater than the next.
8. Giving begrudgingly
7. Giving less than you should however giving cheerfully
6. Giving face-to-face after being asked
5. Giving face-to-face before being asked
4. Giving when you do not know the recipient’s identity, but the recipient knows your identity
3. Giving when you know the recipient’s identity, but the recipient doesn’t know your identity
2. Giving when neither party knows the other’s identity. For this is performing a mitzvah solely for the sake of Heaven.
1. Lending money, creating a partnership, or finding him a job to remove the need

Tzedakah is our obligation. Even the poor are not excused from giving tzedakah. Tzedakah is mistranslated as charity which is the benevolent goodwill toward the poor. The root of Tzedakah is justice, righteousness or fairness. By giving tzedakah or lending to the poor we are doing what is right and what is necessary to repair the world.

We are taught that we should not be embarrassed to receive tzedakah if we need it. We should also be humble and accept whatever job is available for us if we are out of work.

We all need to play our part to make sure our world has justice. Give tzedakah on  a regular basis to make it a habit. When the opportunity comes, we should help find jobs for those that do not have one. And if we are so fortunate, we should hire those who need a job. On the recipient side we need to accept money or a job with humility as well as pay forward the opportunity.

If we do these acts of tzedakah and lending to the poor, we will strengthen our communities. We will make people feel like they are part of the community and want to help others. If we lend money and find jobs for people they will be able to support themselves. Hopefully these people will feel the need to help others that end up jobless like they once were.

References:

1. http://www.come-and-hear.com/shabbath/shabbath_63.html#63a_38
2. http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/45907/jewish/Eight-Levels-of-Charity.htm
3. http://www.jewfaq.org/tzedakah.htm

128S:A Kippah Story

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kippah

This is a little late but still an interesting story.

It was Friday afternoon maybe around 4:15PM. I was in my car riding home for Shabbat dinner and Kol Nidre. It was a warm fall day and the traffic was crawling so I had my window down. I was probably listening to the sports radio station as I do now on a regular basis. It is a nice way to avoid the seriousness of the world news.

There are four lanes traffic behaving much like independent but connected slinks. One lane moves slowly and compresses little while the left lane goes fast and then comes to a screaching halt. I am in one lane from the left.

I notice the car to the left of me is sort of hanging back. He did not dart forward right away and his window was being let down. A portly man driving a non-descript car greets me with Shabbat Shalom and Shana Tova. I smile and say something unintelligible back. His car scoots forward once more.

As the traffic moves along he stays in place and waits until I pull up. He leans over and jokes that if the traffic is this bad all of the way home he will not have to fast because he will not make home before tomorrow night. I laugh and say something and the traffic moves on.

If it were not for my Kippah he would not have known I was Jewish and he would not have wished me a happy new year.

Chayei Sarah

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Bar Mitzvah, son

My son is getting old (not me). He just got his Torah portion for his Bar Mitzvah next year. He will be reading from Chayei Sarah.

Sarah dies and the beginning of the portion. It is about Abraham negotiating and buying some land that has caves. He tells the people that he would like to bury his wife there.

Here is a brief review from Wikipedia.

A burial place for Sarah

Sarah lived 127 years and died in Hebron, and Abraham mourned for her. (Genesis 23:1–2) Abraham asked the Hittites to sell him a burial site, and the Hittites invited him to bury his dead in the choicest of their burial places. (Genesis 23:3–6) Abraham asked the Hittites to intercede for him with Ephron son of Zohar to sell Abraham the cave of Machpelah at full price. (Genesis 23:7–9) Before the Hittites at the town gate, Ephron offered to give Abraham the field and the cave that was in it, but Abraham insisted on paying the price of the land. (Genesis 23:10–13) Ephron named the value of the land at 400 shekels of silver and Abraham accepted Ephron’s terms, gave him the silver, and purchased the land. (Genesis 23:14–18) Abraham buried Sarah in the cave. (Genesis 23:19)

The thing I am most excited about for my son is the opportunity to wrestle with the text. He is an excellent writer and likes to think deeply about serious issues. I think this will be an excellent challenge and I look forward to what he comes up with.

The biblical text for Genesis 23 in Hebrew and English can be found at mechon-mamre.org

You can listen to the Hebrew reading of Genesis 23 in Hebrew

Bedford: A Kippah Story

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kippah

It has been a while since I had a good kippah story.

Today I was coming home from work. I had the windows down and I was listening to the baseball reporter show.

A large man on a motorcycle pulled up next to me. At some point he tried to get my attention. I lowered the volume on my radio and turned toward him. He was saying something like “I do not know much about the Jewish religion, but do you where that all of the time or only on special holidays.”

I told him that I wear it all of the time but it is a choice. Some people do not where it at all. It is not an obligation or a commandment to do so.

He said thank you and he was just curious. The light turned green and we drove off.

What is your kippah story?

The Truth

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truth

What is the truth?

Is there a single truth?

Does religion provide that truth?

Does the bible provide that truth?

How does one know what is the truth?

Does the truth matter?

So are these the same always telling the truth?

• Stay far away from falsehood. – Exodus 23:7
• Do not steal, do not deceive and do not lie to one another – Leviticus 19:11
• Teach your tongue to say, “I do not know,” lest you be led to a lie – Babylonian Talmud, Berakhot 4a
• One should not promise to give a child something and then not give it to him, because as a result, the child will learn to lie – Babylonian Talmud, Sukkah 46b

When is it appropriate to not tell the truth?

• Great is peace, seeing that for its sake even God modified the truth. – Babylonian Talmud, Yevamot 65b
• 3 angles come to visit Abraham and Sarah, who are 99 and 90 years old. They tell the patriarch that, within a year, his wife will give birth. Sarah, who is listening nearby, “laughed to herself, saying, ‘Now that I am withered, am I to have enjoyment, with me husband so old?’” In the next verse, God says to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, “Shall I in truth bear a child, old as I am?’” – Genesis 18:12-13 (Telushkin pg 59)
• Our Rabbis taught: How does one dance [and what words does one say] before a bride? The School of Shammai says, “The bride [is described] as she is.” The School of Hillel says, “[Every bride is described as a] beautiful and graceful bride.” The School of Shammai said to the School of Hillel, “If she was lame or blind, does one say of her, ‘Beautiful and graceful bride’? Does not the Torah command, ‘Stay far away from falsehood’? (Exodus 23:7). But the School of Hillel answered the School of Shammai, “According to your words, if a person has made a bad purchase in the market, should one praise it to him or deprecate it? Surely one should praise it to him.” Therefor, the Tabbis teach, “Always should one’s disposition be pleasant with people.” – Babylonian Talmud, Ketubot 16b-17a
• When a man is about to die, we tell him to recite the viduii (confession of sins). We say to him, “Many have said the confession and then not died, and many have not said the confession and died.” – Shulkhan Arukh, Yoreh Deah 338:1

Yiddish Proverbs

• A half-truth is a whole lie.
• Truth never dies but it lives a wretched life.

Talebearing – what if it is the truth?

• Do not go about as a talebearer among your people. – Leviticus 19:16
• The gossiper stands in Syria and kills in Rome – Palestinian Talmud, Peah 1:1
• Don’t speak well of your friend, for although you will start with his good traits, the discussion might turn to his bad traits. –Babylonian Talmud, Bava Bathra 164b
• Perhaps the least observed of the Torah’s 613 commandments, this law posits that it is forbidden to say something negative about another person, even if it is true, unless the person to whom you are speaking vitally needs the information (e.g. he or she is considering marrying, hiring, or going into business with the person about whom you are speaking). In Hebrew, such speech is known as “lashon hara” (literally, evil tongue). Jewish law also forbids slander, in Hebrew “motzi shem ra” (giving someone a bad name). – Telushikin, Jewish Wisdom pg 65

Leave you with Isaiah and his 6 principles – Isaiah 33:15-16

1. He who walks in righteousness
2. Who speaks honestly
3. Who spurns profit form fraudulent dealings
4. Who waves away a bribe instead of taking it
5. Who closes his ears and doesn’t listen to malicious words
6. Who shuts his eyes against looking at evil

Quotes from Joseph Telushkin’s Jewish Wisdom

Definitions:

Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and denotes positive, virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness along with the absence of lying, cheating, or theft[1].

Truth can have a variety of meanings, such as the state of being in accord with a particular fact or reality, or being in accord with the body of real things, real events or actualities.[1] It can also mean having fidelity to an original or to a standard or ideal. In a common archaic usage it also meant constancy or sincerity in action or character. (Wikipedia lists 9 types of truth)

A lie (also called prevarication, falsehood) is a known untruth expressed as truth. A lie is a type of deception in the form of an untruthful statement, especially with the intention to deceive others, often with the further intention to maintain a secret or reputation, protect someone’s feelings or to avoid a punishment or repercussion for one’s actions. To lie is to state something that one knows to be false or that one does not honestly believe to be true with the intention that a person will take it for the truth. A liar is a person who is lying, who has previously lied, or who tends by nature to lie repeatedly – even when not necessary. (Wikipedia lists 21 types of lying)

Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods. –Albert Einstein

Book: Hineni in Our Lives

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Binding of Isaac, books, hineni, midrash

Hineni in Our Lives by Norman J. Cohen

I read, for the second time, the first 2 chapters of this book and came away annoyed and perhaps mad.

The moral and practical takeaways of the midrashim are fabulous. I like the idea of hineni. Maybe in our sacred community that is what we should be saying when someone wants to talk to us. “Hineni”, then with full attention turn your body to the person and listen and engage – remove all else and focus on that person. Maybe just start at home and do it with our spouse and children. This is something I would like to try and practice.

However … The rationalization of the binding of Issac in this book I am not going to practice or repeat.

The analysis is infuriating. The analysis makes the binding of Isaac story apologetic. That somehow it is OK from a moral standpoint to take your kid up to the mountain to sacrifice him. The analysis does not do much with the problem it just twists it to a solution for today. So I learn that “hineni” is important with our loved ones and in relationships. Abraham says hineni to G-d then to his son and that is all good for the takeaway.

However, if you are going down this path and trying to map this to today’s world there is a big elephant in the room that is not being acknowledged. If you were to hear the voice of G-d and bring your son to sacrifice – it is not a personal sacrifice – it is insanity (we are not biblical heroes). The leap from taking what Abraham does and rationalizing beyond the the story in which we should struggle with is very difficult.

It does not matter in the morals of today or those in past. If you hear G-d’s voice and want to kill your child there is a much larger relationship issue you need to work with. Rationalizing the story for this relationship takeaway is morally infuriating for me. The midrash should have stopped with the first hineni, bringing the second hineni (I am here, my son) into the midrash overshadows the point being made.

V’ahav’ta: a modern instruction

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Sh'ma, V'ahav'ta

If you follow the commandments that I set before you this day, to love and serve Adonai your God with all your heart and with all your soul, I will send rain to your land in its season: the fall rain and the spring rain. You will gather your grain, wine and oil, and I will give you grass in your field for your cattle, and you shall eat and be satisfied. Take care that your heart is not deceived and led astray to serve other gods in worship. For the wrath of Adonai will be upon you: the heavens will close and there will be no rain, and the earth will not yield its produce. You will cease to thrive on the good land that God is giving you. Impress these words upon your heart and upon your soul. Bind them as a sign upon your hand and as symbols between your eyes. Teach them to your children, speaking of them while at home and while away, when you lie down and when you rise up. Inscribe them on the doorposts of your house and upon your gates. Then your days, and the days of your children, will be multiplied upon the land which Adonai your God has sworn to give to your ancestors, as the days of the heavens above the earth. – D’varim / Deuteronomy 11:13–21

In thinking about these words I wrestled with what they mean and how I could relate. So often I just enjoy the rhythm and feeling of the prayers that I do not think about the meaning. This gave me and opportunity to revisit the V’ahav’ta. I played with the words and tried rephrasing them in a modern context. Some of the words I keep the same meaning, others I take and interpret the metaphor.

In our prayers we stop and close eyes to gather focus and attention and with a long breath we sing Sh’ma Israel, Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai Echad. And with a hushed tone we say Baruch sheim k’vod malchutoh l’olam vaed. Then we follow the Sh’ma with the V’ahav’ta.

We remind each other that G-d is one then we bless his name and kingdom forever. I see the Sh’ma as a prayer of love and defiance. It is fitting that the prayer is then followed by the V’ahav’ta, instructions on how to satisfy your needs, what to teach your children and how to help the Jewish people flourish.

We start with personal responsibility. If you follow all of the mitzvot given to you in the Torah and if you put all of your heart and soul into the mitzvot and loving G-d then success will spring forth. You will be able to earn enough to afford a nice home, cars and plenty of food and wine to satisfy. But, if you do not perform the mitzvot and you make poor choices antithetical to G-d, this success will evade you.

Internalize the mitzvot and hold them in your heart and soul. When you are out working in the world, do it in a Jewish manner. Have the mitzvot in your hands to help repair the world. Have the mitzvot in front of your eyes to guide your way.

Then you have responsibility for your family and community. When you talk to your children, teach them about the mitzvot at home and when you are living your daily lives. Teach them to your children when getting ready for bed and when they are engaging the world. Show your children that you are proud of being Jewish and make a Jewish home that demonstrates the mitzvot for everyone to see.

This will impact the future of the Jewish people. The Jewish children will multiply and be around as long as days the heavens are over the earth.

Rewriting the prayer in modern terms and removing the metaphors makes it all seem straight forward. Love G-d. Do, live, and teach mitzvot to have a fulfilling life and to ensure the future of the Jewish people.